Could it be? It has been a very rough few months for us here in our home due to financial difficulties. I got sucked down into depression due to it, I did not call my friends, I barely answered the phone(and you know how I love to talk!), I stayed in bed, I snuck home after Sacrament meeting, I just plain hid my head-thinking a head in sand knows nothing and it will all go away. I found excuses not to mingle with life. It was our own stupidity and putting things ahead of others, I did not want anyone to know(funny how we are like that), anyway on Sunday during Relief Society I found myself standing up and bearing my testimony-ok mostly I stood and sobbed, I din't really explain what all was going on, but they got the picture. I had found by starting this blog it was letting me see the good things(because I certainly wasn't going to tell the real truth for all to see), it was fun writing about the neat things in my life-somehow that has helped. Anyway, after RS sisters came up and hugged me-that is really what I needed-and told me to hang in there. One sister Rachel-she was visiting and was one of our young single adult's birth mother(an absolute beautiful story for another time) came up and hugged me and said "Now that you voiced it, it is out there and things will get better." I completely understood it and it hit me hard. I got to thinking that this blog is replacing my handwritten journal and that is supposed to entail my trials, heartaches as well as my joys. I am looking at things differently now and hoping I will make it.
I do have a very strong testimony and it did not change through this process. I just didn't know or feel like I should lean on Heavenly Father for it was our faoult we were in this predicament. You see, we almost lost our home, and it is not over yet. It is very hard to admit this. Anyway to save our home from foreclosure, we had to change our mortgage payments to cover lawyer fees and such so our mortgage is now $997. a month, it went up over $400 dollars. With Donnell changing jobs(it was the best decision as his other place of employment is going under and he got out in time to get another good job), it was a big cut in pay andright now they are limiting overtime. We are not having enough come in to cover what needs to go out. THis high payment goes until December. I have asked for more hours at work and they have been great to me. It is a vicious circle though, we pool our money together and realize that we do not have enough for the house payment so we borrow it and make the payment and then payfamily back and boom it is time to start worrying over how to make this months payment. With this set up we are not allowed to be one day late or our house is gone-final.
Thus my start of major cleaning yesterday, with the depression I just let everything go, I want my home back, I want to feel pride in an orderly home. I want to feel like me again. I am getting there, just a day at a time(sometimes an hour at a time!!)
I just realized that here is this truth and eye-opening blog just after I sent my blog addy to everyone-oh well truth prevails I guess.
2 comments:
B my beautiful sister...you never called or anything to let me know I new there had to be a reason.
Bridgette you are a very special person and I love you tons and eventhough you have been away for so long I still have great wonderful memories of spending time with you and I remember how much fun that you were. Each time I hear the song Nothing Compares I always think of you and do remember it was your favorite song at that time. I hope and pray that your mom will become well and strong again soon. Is that song I have been Blessed by Hillary Weeks. She is wonderful and I love her voice. Have you heard her? Do take care Love ya,
Mary-Ann
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